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Search committees are looking for someone who already speaks and writes like an employed colleague. They mumble and mutter and talk too fast, and above all, they ramble in an unfocused and evasive way.

Your clothes must be new and must fit you at your current weight, and be hemmed (sleeves, pants, skirt) to the appropriate length.With very rare exceptions, faculty barely even think about the graduate students in their departments.Except to ask, once a year, whether they’re on track to defend so that the Dean can stop hassling the department for its low completion rate.This gives your interlocutor the chance to say, “How interesting!Tell us more about that.” To which you respond in another short, punchy burst.

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